Bocce Injury Prevention With Fitness Celebrity John Basedow

...and grrrrunnnnnt and two and grrrrunnnnnt and three and-- Oh, hi there. I'm fitness celebrity John Basedow. People always come up to me and say "Hey John, do fitness celebrities ever just like to take it easy? Don't you ever just want to be a regular celebrity instead of a fitness celebrity?" And to that I say yes and no. No, I was born to be a fitness celebrity, but yes, even fitness celebrities like leisure activities and for me, bocce is the only at-ease game that engorges my pectorals, as they say. While strict adherence to my walking-around-shirtless-everywhere policy prevents me from participating in the world-famous DC Bocce League, I try to end the long HARD days at the celebrity-filled gymnasiums where I provide celebrity fitness instruction to celebrities by playing bocce with some of my closest celebrity friends at our private courts.

Bocce is a highly pleasing activity, but it's not all fun and games. One common misconception about bocce is that it's 99% mental. NOT true. Bocce is only 50% mental, leaving the other 50% to my favorite part: physical. Without the proper strength training and stretching, you can get seriously injured. The DC Bocce season is a long and grueling one, so here are some strength and stretching exercises that will help you make it through the end of year tournament without breaking down physically:

FRONT RAISE















Ever stare in envy as a bocce player makes a big palm-down toss, leaving a nice backspin on the ball as it softly lands and cruises in towards the pallina? Not me and it's not because I'm a celebrity who doesn't appreciate good form. It's because I am careful to make sure I get my front raises in. This is the fun-duh-mental bocce motion. I love doing front raises because I love to dominate in bocce! ARRAAGH!

LATERAL RAISE, SHOULDER PRESS














This is a strength building exercise that will help your celebration motions. Bocce is 50% mental, but if you can use your physicality to intimidate your opponent with celebrations, that's worth at least 100% if not 150%. Of something, at least in my calculator. Front raises and shoulder presses are favorites of the six-armed, two-headed, often six beer holding bocce dominatrix shown below.

















PELVIC THRUSTS





















Pelvic thrusts are so important in bocce. When you step on the court, there is no way to know which way the ball is going to roll, but you can go through the preparation to make sure you know how your pelvis will respond in case you find yourself in a thrust-worthy situation. Let 'em know with confidence by practicing your thrusts. And remember: proper technique is to keep those shoulders on the ground and push that crotch up towards the sky.


ADVANCED STRETCHES
















The morning after a night involving few Miller Lites or Peronis at the Pour House, I often find myself needing to defecate out of my fitness celebrity ass. And sometimes I don't have the energy to get up afterwards. While waiting for a fitness pseudo-celebrity to bring me some nutritious superfoods giving me the energy to get up and go back to the gym, I need to make sure I'm especially limber. That's why I spend an hour per day on this stretch, which allows me to poop and sleep at the same time, maximizing my time.

Well, that's all the time we have today. I'll leave you with this piece of advice that I thought of for life in general but just now adapted to bocce:

“Bocce in your authority” and if you have no authority, bocce in someone else’s until you get some.