Measure THIS!
People who think winning isn't everything have probably never won anything. The Greatest and Best Team in the World knows only winning. That's why we employ a number of strategic strategies on and off the field to ensure victory. During bocce matches, for instance, we stay alert and energized by drinking nutrient-filled protein shakes like in the blue cups above. Clinical trials have demonstrated that this tasty, all-natural beverage improves hand-eye coordination, reaction times, decision-making, and visual acuity.
In our Week 2 match against the 419 Allstars, we utilized our heightened vision and improved judgment to identify close calls that would normally go unnoticed by the standard eye. By requesting official timeouts for measurement in virtually every frame (see pictures), we earned several extra points while disrupting our opponent's momentum. This proved a most effective strategy, as both teams battled to a 14-14 tie in the waining lights of dusk. Of course, this also resulted in the largest number of single game measurements in the history of the DC Bocce League; a feat so remarkable that we failed to consider how sharing our special beverage with the 419 Allstars might negate the advantage it provided for us.
In our Week 2 match against the 419 Allstars, we utilized our heightened vision and improved judgment to identify close calls that would normally go unnoticed by the standard eye. By requesting official timeouts for measurement in virtually every frame (see pictures), we earned several extra points while disrupting our opponent's momentum. This proved a most effective strategy, as both teams battled to a 14-14 tie in the waining lights of dusk. Of course, this also resulted in the largest number of single game measurements in the history of the DC Bocce League; a feat so remarkable that we failed to consider how sharing our special beverage with the 419 Allstars might negate the advantage it provided for us.
In the end, the 419 Allstars' thirst for victory was just strong enough to propel them to a 16-14 win. They may have won the bocce game, but we'll see who is celebrating when the horse laxatives we added to their beverages begin to work their magic.
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