On Tuesday night, Matt Damon's Balls got the shaft.
Before we go any further, we don't want to diminish the achievement of Tuesday's Best Flair winners Et Tu, Bocce: bed sheets and foliage have never looked so good. And it is true, that we were not "dressed to the nines" in wigs, christmas lights, fake snakes, visors or burger king crowns. However, a consultation of the DC Bocce Summer 2008 Best Flair Contest Official Rulebook, does not designate flair exclusively as something that is worn on your person. Which is why we believe a HAND MADE flag (also wearable as a cape), HAND PAINTED by two STRAIGHT MEN, with a CUSTOM DESIGNED LOGO should have come out on top. Now we know how Nastia Luiken feels.
These guys love football, beer and babes, don't you ever doubt that. They also
just happen to be the craftiest guy you'll ever meet. And ladies...they're single.
Perhaps the prejudice came about because of our seemingly ridiculous team name. Allow us to explain. After taking home the award for best team name last season for "I Bocced Matt Damon" we all agreed that we should continue to harness the raw power of Matt Damon's sexiness (ahem, 2008 People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive). New puns were bandied about. In the end though, the old adage to "Keep It Simple Stupid" prevailed. We chose "Matt Damon's Balls," because aren't balls and being sexy what bocce is all about?
Matt Damon agrees his bocces are sexy.
So here we are, back where we started. We don't want to be poor sports, but...we are. We have hired representation and are filing an official appeal with the National Bocce Association (NBA). We are confident that this situation can be resolved in a manner that is both fair, just, and highly lucrative. If you are interested in making a financial or in-kind contribution to our cause, please find us in Garfield Park next Tuesday night. We'll be flying our flag. That was custom-designed. And hand-made. And hand-painted. By two straight men.
Poor sports? You say that like it's a bad thing.