Epic De-pantsing
When Not a Good Team Name dispersed into two equally talented teams for the summer DC Bocce League, we all envisioned an ultimate Finals showdown between the two spin-offs. Fate, it seems, it not without a sense of irony. Indeed, Destiny's Pants and The Greatest and Best Team in the World would meet in this summer's playoffs, but their match would take place in Round 1, not the Finals. Anti-climactic doesn't even begin to describe how incredibly not climactic this news was to the two teams.
Still, each team approached this match like it was their last. There were no handshakes, buttslaps, or words of encouragement. Only stare-downs. Even our traditional pre-game partner stretching with aroma therapy was replaced with face-offs so intense (and sustained) that the match didn't begin until well after the scheduled start time. In fact, by the time we got going, there wasn't even enough light to capture The Greatest and Best Team in the World's 16-5 drubbing of Destiny's Pants. Indeed, it was an epic "De-Pantsing" of epic proportions.
Which brings me to my next topic of discussion: the act of forcibly removing one's pants, or what I have always referred to as "de-pantsing". Until just recently, I had never considered the genesis of this term. It always seemed natural to use the suffix "de-", which has a meaning that approximates "to remove" or "do the opposite of", in conjunction with the word "pants", which I could only assume meant to "wear pants". Putting it all together, to "de-pants" someone literally means to "do the opposite of wear pants" or not wear pants. Yet, my entire world was turned upside down when a friend of mine informed me that some aberrant sub-population of the planet actually refers to this phenomenon as "pantsing". That is, to "pants" someone is to forcibly remove one's pants. This is not a joke. People actually believe this. Beyond my simple explanation, I do not have the intellectual capacity or tolerance to further explore how a human person could justify abandoning all logic and rationality for the sake of forcibly removing one's pants. That's why I only DE-pants people. That's why I stick to bocce.
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