Get Out The Vote!

We've gone high tech at DC Bocce and put Superlative Voting online. Now every player in the League can cast their own vote for Best Name, Best Team Flare, Most Social, and the coveted Most Likely to Close Down Pour House! There are usually some repeat offenders for that last title but this season looks like a wide open race. You will need to login by 9/14 using the email and birthday you provided during registration, and as usual you can’t vote for yourselves. The winning teams receive a little something extra during our End-of-Season Party, which takes place on Tuesday, September 16th, at Top of the Hill (the upstairs of Pour House). If you have a new category that plays to your talents let us know in the Comments here...we are open to suggestions.

Grill?

Does anyone know if there is a grill in or around Garfield Park? We've got the late game tonight and are hoping to have some BBQ first. Please comment here if you know of any, thanks.

We Wuz Robbed

On Tuesday night, Matt Damon's Balls got the shaft.

Before we go any further, we don't want to diminish the achievement of Tuesday's Best Flair winners Et Tu, Bocce: bed sheets and foliage have never looked so good. And it is true, that we were not "dressed to the nines" in wigs, christmas lights, fake snakes, visors or burger king crowns. However, a consultation of the DC Bocce Summer 2008 Best Flair Contest Official Rulebook, does not designate flair exclusively as something that is worn on your person. Which is why we believe a HAND MADE flag (also wearable as a cape), HAND PAINTED by two STRAIGHT MEN, with a CUSTOM DESIGNED LOGO should have come out on top. Now we know how Nastia Luiken feels.

These guys love football, beer and babes, don't you ever doubt that. They also
just happen to be the craftiest guy you'll ever meet. And ladies...they're single.

Perhaps the prejudice came about because of our seemingly ridiculous team name. Allow us to explain. After taking home the award for best team name last season for "I Bocced Matt Damon" we all agreed that we should continue to harness the raw power of Matt Damon's sexiness (ahem, 2008 People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive). New puns were bandied about. In the end though, the old adage to "Keep It Simple Stupid" prevailed. We chose "Matt Damon's Balls," because aren't balls and being sexy what bocce is all about?

Matt Damon agrees his bocces are sexy.

So here we are, back where we started. We don't want to be poor sports, but...we are. We have hired representation and are filing an official appeal with the National Bocce Association (NBA). We are confident that this situation can be resolved in a manner that is both fair, just, and highly lucrative. If you are interested in making a financial or in-kind contribution to our cause, please find us in Garfield Park next Tuesday night. We'll be flying our flag. That was custom-designed. And hand-made. And hand-painted. By two straight men.

Poor sports? You say that like it's a bad thing.

The Greatest and BEAST Week 5 Recap in the World

With The Captain out of commission for reasons that are probably super important, The Beast has offered to write up our weekly recap for the Bocce community. Off we go...

The Wonder Sub, The Beast, The Closer, and The Eye go the distance

After shooting to an early 6-0 lead with three 1-point frames and a stunning 3-point frame, The Greatest and Best Team in the World faltered and gave up a crushing four point frame. The game remained close, but the opposing Teal team kept their momentum to regain a 12-9 advantage. However, with refills of our patented all-natural, delicious energy beverage--because we can clearly never have enough--The Greatest and Best Team in the World was able to tie the game at a decisive 15-15 score. With the game on the line, and the little white ball in a tough, short location which had given the team trouble all night, our Wonder Sub, seen in the attached picture, took our first ball of the frame and lobbed a beautiful shot to within a foot of the little white ball, turned to Jenni and whispered, "That's Hot!". The opposition didn't have a chance with their remaining three balls, and with that, the game was won.

Strictly Bocce? Strictly Overrated!

Its true...Calling it right now, first round playoff exit for Strictly Overrated!

Togas, Mascots, Tattoos, Boy Bands, and More...

DC Bocce wants to congratulate team "Et tu, Bocce" from the Martedi Division and team "Creepy Uncle Bocce" from the Mercoledi Division for their win in the Week 5 flair contest. We hope they enjoy the Nationals vs. Mets games cause chances are the Nationals won't.

The League would also like to salute the second place finishers from both days, "Matt Damon's Balls" and "NKOTBocce", along with all the other teams that turned out with new and creative ways to represent their name and/or color. We really appreciate the effort, and don't forget that superlative voting is coming up next week so there's still a chance that your dedication to flair will pay off. We hope the winning teams have great weather for the games and with a few more weeks of bocce to be played we're looking forward to the ticket giveaways to come.

8ballball

For 3 seasons now the "Hot Lunch" and "DC Clap" teams have been screaming about 8ballball's. Along the way we have received questions about what it means, I wanted to take a second to define it on the blog so that other teams can begin tracking the greatest statistic in Bocce history.

8ballball: A shot that immediately follows the pallina toss and is the closest of all 8 balls tossed during that frame.

I don't think they're tracking this officially yet at the US bocce federation, but it has to start somewhere. I hope to hear some other teams shouting 8ballball in the coming weeks, just don't expect to score any on The Clap.

The Color of Newspaper

If you see this post before Monday be sure to grab a weekend edition of The Washington Post Express. Yes, that's Tuesday bocce representing on page 6 of the "Styles" insert. Congrats to all included on releasing your inner corniness. The last time I "threw in the towel" was while playing Erotic PhotoHunt at the Pour House, but it looks like that didn't pass the censors. I wonder what Kipp said? Probably at a recent AA meeting. Robyn, you made us proud.

The Greatest and Best Week 4 Recap in the World

The Enforcer and Jenufine Reunited

Looking to rebound from a demoralizing Week 3 loss, The Greatest and Best Team in the World drew from the Olympics for inspiration in Week 4.

In a page straight from the US men's gymnastics narrative (minus the stunted musculoskeletal development, delayed vocal maturation, and their unexplainable inability to give a proper two-handed high-five), we returned to the familiar role of underdog. We knew that to prove our doubters wrong, we would need to embrace the strong foundation of friendship, trust, and unity that brought us to the DC Bocce League in the first place. Like the Olympic competitors from Georgia and Russia, we, too, reached across the competitive divide to embrace those with whom we may not agree (above picture). In addition, we integrated into our bocce throws an array of exaggerated facial expressions that women weightlifters use to convey a marked sense of assurance and self-control. Next week, we anticipate the addition of several adroit lunging maneuvers the likes which have never been seen outside of Olympic fencing competition.

Most importantly, we incorporated Michael Phelps' infamous pre-swim tradition of flailing his flaccid arms about as if they are completely independent from the rest of his torso.

Shoulder Injury Waiting to Happen

In the end, none of these strategies made a damn difference, and we lost another close match to Irritable Bocce Syndrome (IBS). It turns out you can have all the heart and dedication in the world, but if you can't score more points than the other team, you aren't going to win. Unless you cheat. And, that's exactly what we're going to do next week. Lesson learned.

Greetings From Beijing!

Swimming is pretty cool. It keeps me in shape and stuff, which pleases millions of women across the world. It's a shame, however, that my real passion is not yet an Olympic sport. Bocce. Like, OMFG, curling is an Olympic sport, so why not bocce? WTF? So bros, femmes, write your congressman or whatever.

And here's a fun fact about me: I went to Michigan, which makes me awesome. But I went to Michigan on the condition that I could bring my own coach in to take over the team, strongarmsing the athletic department to fire their coach. That makes me kind of a dick. Anyway, if you've got something to say, say it to my face and all my arms.

The Greatest and Best Week 3 Recap in the World

Killed with Kindness

I've read the DC Bocce League mission statement. It speaks of sharing new experiences, the spirit of friendship, and honoring athletic tradition. However, it says nothing about getting your ass handed to you and having to enjoy it.

In Week 3, The Greatest and Best Team in the World got their assess handed to them by The Yaks, 16-6, in what should have been a demoralizing ass-handing of epic proportions. Yet, anyone who has played The Yaks knows they are the nicest, most complimentary people in the league, which made it impossible for us to feel emotions commonly associated with losing. In fact, I have never felt so good about myself after contributing zero points en route to a blow-out loss. As a team, we were so incredibly high on life after our ass-handing that it took several attempts for Gautam to capture an obligatory agonizing defeat pose (above) that didn't feature smiles and exemplary posture.

On top of providing for us a supportive environment ideal for losing, the Yaks also finished us off in less than 30 minutes. By 7pm, the only bocce action worth documenting took place in other bocce games, which were approaching their competitive peak while our field lay in complete emptiness.

Well, onward and upward, I always say!